Araxi Photography

okay- seriously.... my friend ARAXI is an amazing photographer! she took maternity pics of me, a task i would not let anyone else in my life attempt... and she emailed me the gallery today! incredible! if you ever need a photographer and you don't use her- you are nuts!

i will share pics later......

in case you missed it on july 4th.....

At week 37, your pregnancy is considered full term, meaning baby is likely to thrive after birth. Baby spends these last weeks in preparation for the outside world… meaning careful refinement of the blink, suck, inhale and exhale. Meconium, which you’ll probably find in the first diaper, is accumulating in the intestines. If (okay, as) you worry about giving birth, consider what it’s like for the little one. During the journey out of your womb, baby will produce more stress hormones than any other time in life.

yes, i seriously have a watermelon in my body! lord help me!

nature's way or insanity?

i woke up at 2:30am and never could fall back asleep. is this natures way of getting me ready for baby or am i just insane? u be the judge....

favorite photos from my phone....

the day i started blogging

this is what i wrote:

my intro

so i am giving this blog thing a try. i have a lot to say most of the time so why not just get it out here! i have somewhat of a crazy life. as much as i try to minimize my past, i have been through some experiences that have made me a bit more sarcastic, blunt, and just plain realistic (although i am an idealist at heart). overall, i try to have a positive outlook on life. i am a lot to handle. you either love me or you hate me. i do not believe in much grey area- i am a black or white kind of girl. because i am a realist based on life experiences and an idealists at heart, please disregard the million contradictions i will make in regards to any possible subjects introduced in this blog.

here are the "daily's" in my life:

i am a strong and independent female but i am not a feminist.

i am a wife.

i am a mother. some people like to say that i am not. i like to tell them to fuck off!

i am an optimist.

i am the center of my family. the glue.

i am a teacher.

i am a student.

i am a weight watcher.

i am a scrapbooker.

i am a libra.

i am a catholic.

i am a shitty friend.

i am the luckiest person in the world to have such great friends who put up with me being such a shitty one!

i am a survivor.

i am in constant search of a better me but amazingly proud of the person that i am.

i am what i am.

for now......

at 7/12/2005

amazing how much, and how little, has actually changed.......

do u like me....

i mean, do you really really like me?

the blog update/layout anyways......

p.s.

in just 8 short weeks i will see the most precious little face ever..... i can hardly wait!

if you have the time

pray for my family. we are going through many changes and preparing for the baby, as wonderful as it is, has become quite stressful. i know we will be fine but prayers never hurt anyone, right?

thx!

Showered....

Bucket hosted a wonderful baby shower at her house for me this past weekend. It was really nice! She is so good for me because she makes me snap out of my anto-social self! Had a wonderful time with wonderful people, food, and games! So happy for the people who still put up with me even when i drop off the face of the earth!

Then today, my partner teacher Nerina, planned a surprise baby shower with my students. They kept it a secret for weeks. Each student wrote me a poem and a letter. The presented them and gave me gifts. Such a wonderful day. I cannot believe how wonderful my students are. They have very little, yet they still give to me. I have the best job in the world.

My mom and other family members bought me my stroller and my carseat and I LOVE IT!
THANKS BUCKET! I LOVE YOU TO PIECES~ SORRY I AM SUCH A PAIN IN THE BUTT!

blue or pink?

what do you think?



i went to register at babies r us the other day and my sister laughed at me because if this baby is a girl i don't want pink everywhere! i told her that i don't want the babies room to look like a bottle of pepto bismol exploded everywhere! she just had a little girl and is falling in love with pink (especially after 2 boys) but i just can't seem to get into it.

here is the thing- if you asked me what i felt like i was having, i would say girl! ugh! please no pink!

so back to babies r us- since i don't want to know the sex registering was funny. i determined that i like purples (which we all knew already, blues, browns, and greens) so regardless of the sex, i registered for what i liked. i have like one or two pink items just in case, but for the most part, i stayed away from pink.

i fell in love with this one bedding from pottery barn kids but my sister says it will only work for a girl but i think if i put lots of brown with it and some turtles i can pull it off:



she said i am a freak!

Oops!

kinda forgot about the blogging world and have been told by my BFF that i better get this thing updated.

the past month and a half has been a disaster to tell you the truth. things with the husband have been nearly unbearable. i never talk about it but my husband has an issue with addiction. this past week has broken the camel's back! pray for us.

other than that- things have been going pretty good. the baby is doing great and my belly is getting bigger and bigger. i am at 5 months now- in my 20th week. i had my ultrasound this past week and the gender could not be determined. i have had the feeling that i am having a girl though and it terrifies me a bit.

the kids are great. junior has been kinda moody but for the most part he is a good kid. he really stepped out of line this week with a comment that he made but immediately apologized for it with tears in his eyes.

emily is my pot of gold. that girl is perfection in human form. love her to death.

lindalee, my BFF from college, is coming to visit in 2 weeks to see the big ol' belly and i can hardly stand it. with all the drama at home, i am so happy to have something to look forward to. she is considering moving closer, and i am praying that something opens up so that she will be able to do so. having her near would be life-changing for me.

bucket is about to give up on me but thank the good Lord above - she hasn't yet! i love you to pieces bucket. please hang in there with me forever! i need you around to help me take my mind off of things.

some upcoming posts to expect this week:
1. a LONG LONG LONG overdue thank you to my Angel Friend
2. ultrasound pictures and maybe (just for lele) a belly shot
3. recent layouts- don't worry- there is only 3
4. post of pics
5. baby stuff wish list...

have a good rest of the week. i promise, i am back.

i promise, it's worth it.

so, i have had a really crappy week. and when i say crappy- i mean CRAPPY!

so, if you are in need of a good laugh- i mean a really good, tear jerking, laugh out loud, laugh- just take the 7 minutes and watch this.

i promise - it's worth it.

Names

for a girl- Audrey Michelle

for a boy- Gabriel Michael/Miguel

Girl's name is final. Boys name is still up for debate but pretty set.

Middle names are same as my brother and sister. First names are just my favorites.

Normalcy

this weekend was probably one of the worst weekends i have had in awhile. issues with the husband were totally out of control and i just wanted to run away. but of course, a three day migraine hit and i was immediately deemed useless. i was in so much pain, on so many different levels that i just wanted to shrink into oblivion.

i try to be a relatively optimistic person - but this weekend, i lost the fight. it was not good. it is now tuesday and i am back at work, picking myself off, dusting off the dirt, and getting back to - what's that word they like to use after a crisis- oh yea- "normalcy"

so, wish me luck. here goes nothing......

It's a good day here in America

my very honest daughter

she is such an honest, and brave little girl. last night, after showering, she began to talk to me. as she spoke, she opened up about her concerns with this little baby coming along. she was such an open book. just spilling out her concerns and her excitement.

she said that she is so happy. but on the inside, sometimes, she is pretty nervous that everyone will forget about her and she will somehow become less important. she began to communicate to me how it is at her other house with her mom and stepdad and how the little ones get all the attention and sometimes she just gets angry.

it broke my heart to listen to this little princess talk about how she is nervous about somehow being loved a bit less. so we made a deal that in the beginning, the baby will need a bit more, and at times, mommy will be tired. but soon after, we will have special days. where she is the center of attention. and her big brother too.

i am so blessed to have a relationship with her where she knows that she can come to me with anything. and though i know the only thing that is really going to comfort her is to see it actually happen after the baby is here, she does know that my word is golden.

so, bucket, you will have to babysit so i can go on special dates with my other babies! cuz lord knows i don't leave them with the in-laws!

what are some things you did when you were pregnant with your second, or third, or.... so that your babies knew they were still loved?

11 weeks

this week i am at 11 weeks. i feel good so far. i have been puking at least once a day but everyone tells me that is a good thing because the hormones are working! woo hoo for puke, i guess.

i have told about 10 people at work who i really really trust and hopefully they don't burn me. i am hoping i can wait to tell everyone else a bit later. if someone asks, i don't really want to lie to them so that will be a touchy moment.....

overall, i am feeling great. a bit tired and puking but i'll take it!

i am going crazy

this week a new student joined my classes and he is probably the angriest little thing i have ever seen. i have tried to call home twice with no response (mind you he has only been in my class for 2 days). if he was with my students from last year he would have fit right in because i had some angry little devils last year. but this year all my kids are so sweet and sincere so they just look at him like "what the hell is wrong with you!?" the chip on his shoulder is ginormous! poor little thing- his life will be so hard!

shhhh.... its a blog world secret!

Pregnancy Tickers

BE EXCITED!!!! BUT PLEASE DO NOT POST/COMMENT ANYWHERE ELSE!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!! NOT TELLING WORK YET!

it has been a very long road for me and my husband to get to this point. after having cancer, i decided that enough is enough and i went to an infertility clinic to help us get pregnant.

the first step is a class with a nurse where we watch a video on infertility and the processes people can take to overcome it. then, at that appointment, blood work and semen analysis was ordered for me and my husband to show that we were healthy and ready to go.

one month later, we went in again and discussed what would happen next. my husbands semen analysis showed that he was just fine, which we already knew because he has two children already. so, the next step was for me to undergo Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) which was the most painful experience of my life. A thin tube is inserted into the vagina with a balloon attached. Once in the uterus, they blow up the balloon- this is where i nearly died- seriously, i nearly passed out- and insert a dye to make sure that the uterus and fallopian tubes are normal.

In my case, the doctor who performed this was horrible enough that I actually wrote a letter. I walked out of there feeling like I had been raped. It was not fun. Since then, people that I have talked to have agreed with me that this is the most painful test we as women have ever had to endure.

At our next appointment, we got the results. The HSG showed that I had blockage to one fallopian tube. This was okay though because all I needed was one to be open in order to conceive. It was at this point that an internal ultrasound to examine my ovaries. At that point, I only had one egg so I was placed on Clomid which is a medication used in infertility treatments to increase the number of eggs produced so that conception is more likely.

On the third day of my period I began to take the Clomid pills. Two a day for five days. Once the cycle was done, I went in for another internal ultrasound and I had produced two additional eggs. That appointment was on a Friday.

Finally, it was time to take an ovulation kit for the week. I had to take one test everyday for seven days. If on the seventh day, the kit never turned positive, I had to call and go in again. If it did turn positive, that day I had to call in and schedule insemination for the following morning.

THis week seemed never ending!!!! Finally, on the seventh day, it turned positive. This was November 19th and intrauterine insemination occurred on November 20th.

I was instructed to wait two weeks. If my period came, we would try again. If it did not, we would take a pregnancy test. Now, here's the tricky part- my period did come. For one day. So I was instructed to take the PT on Dec. 4th. I couldn't stand it. So I waited until I got home from work and finally decided to pee on that little stick.

I peed on the stick and it told me what I have now shared with you. I didn't believe it. So a few hours later, I peed on another stick. And the results were the same.

During last week, I bled but the doctor and nurses said not to worry. I bled for about 4 days total and had to record times and color and such. After my early ultrasound, however, I feel totally at ease. And after a week of pure anxiety, it is a good feeling.

I had my early ultrasound on Dec. 22nd and told my mom and sister that I was pregnant on Christmas Eve. I told my In-Laws Christmas morning. So now, I can share the news with you.

I will wait to tell work for a few more weeks. Just because I need to make sure everything works out during the rest of this first trimester.

I know it seems like only a few months and BAM- I'M PREGGERS! but it has actually been years of heartache and disappointment. So now, now that it is finally happening to me, I couldn't be happier!

for the record....

the change is here.

and i couldn't be happier.