Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
8/01/2008
7/31/2008
Health Update
i have been to the doctor's since i got back. i was also on the phone with them during my break from reality. here is what i have learned:
1. i am the YOUNGEST person that my surgeon has ever had to tell that they, do in fact, have kidney cancer.
***now- while this may not impress you, it was a great shock to me. i mean, i knew that he was having trouble with my age (31 by the way), i had no idea that i was the youngest person he had ever diagnosed with kidney cancer. he just told me last week. the next youngest wasn't even close! not even in his 30's for that matter! it's just strange to know this kind of information. i think i could have gone without knowing....
2. Topamax is bad if you have one kidney.
***now- while i learned this on my own, it was recently confirmed by my doctors and i am no longer on the medicine. this makes me nervous because Topamax is amazing for preventing migraines! so, it is back to the drawing board. i think that i am just going to stick with biofeedback and natural "cures" for the moment. this is with guidance from my neurologist- who is very aware of me, my beliefs, and my desires. it's just what will be best for me at the moment.
3. Infusion centers.
**now- Have you even heard of such a place? well, i haven't. until now. i will be visiting an infusion center once a month for two to three hours. this is the plan. pray for me now. i am not good in hospitals and they are not good with my viens. i will have to be hooked up to machines and IVs for a few hours in the hope that it all matters. i will be infused with things that should already be produced in my body but they have found that i am "lacking 25% from the average adult female." while this is not such a shocker (some doctor somewhere has already ran all the tests to find out this stuff- not as much blood in the brain, not as much oxygen in the brain, not as much magnesium in the brain, not as much sense in the brain!!!!!) the idea of INFUSION sure is!
4. Urine analysis
***yes- i am still pissing in a big orange container once a month! today is the day! sorry- was that TMI?
5. Therapy
***you'd think, right? funny thing is- i am doing okay. went to one therapist when i was first diagnosed, got a lot of good information, but found that i am too self-aware for all of that mumbojumbo at the moment. this is not to knock therapy- i spent many years in the shrinks chair and am much better for it, just don't need it right now.
6. Secrets
***there are some medical issues that i am dealing with that i choose not to share with people. well, very recently i shared it with one person and i am so glad that i have. it is nothing life-threatening or anything, just something i have dealt with for many, many years now. i am now, at this time, going through it all again. pray for me. hope that whatever is meant to happen, will. and either way- i will handle it with grace. and please, if you are my family or my friend- respect my choice not to share this information and just do what i have asked of you now.
7. cancer stuff
***now- my scars are super bright pink. i hate them. my husband loves them. i don't get it. they are ugly and bright on my pale white stomach. they remind me of the lack of control that i really have in this life and that frustrates me. don't get me wrong, i'd rather have scars on my stomach then a headstone with my name on it, but these damn things just make me angry sometimes.
since my radical nephrectomy (Surgery to remove an entire kidney, nearby adrenal gland and lymph nodes, and other surrounding tissue.) i think i have handled the whole cancer thing the way most people do. we are sad, angry, shocked, and scared. but in the end, we accept it, choose to be better for it, we fight like hell, win (if we are lucky enough) and move on. i will admit that it is hard to move on when the scars still hurt and the doctor's visits, lab tests, infusion appointments, and emails from Kaiser sit in my mailbox each day- but i am doing my best.
i am worried about returning to work in one month. i haven't been there since the end of April basically. my family tells me not to go back if i am not ready. some friends agree- but how in the world will i know if i don't just go for it. and what if i become that person that never goes back. i have to go back. with that however, i have been very honest with my boss- who is also a great friend of mine. i will only have to teach 4 hours a day and will have 2 hours off. but even with that- i am anxious to return.
i am not good with attention. i dread that first day when we are all sitting in the library and everyone turns and sees me there again. it will be nearly impossible for me. i remember going to a crop just after my surgery with bucket. only a few very very very sweet ladies were there- some of my favorites as a matter of fact, and even with that, i nearly brokedown and cried. i had a small moment of panic and wanted to leave and just go home. i fought threw it. but i know that i will have the exact same experience when i return to work- especially since they don't even know about my cancer. i will tell them at somepoint- but i just don't know when and i just don't know how. so, please, pray for me with this also. hope that i can have the strength to endure what lies before me- whatever this may be.
the song that is playing right now on my blog might be a bit much for some people and i do not mean to offend anyone. it is just such an important song in my life that i felt the need to share it with you, my friends. as i drove to the hospital on May 12th to face this ugly cancer for a full blown battle, it was blasting in the car (and i am not one for loud noises), on reapeat, while i just cried my eyes out. cried like a child wanting her mother. cried like i have never cried before. when i awoke, in pain, sliced open with only one kidney, with the worst migraine of my life- it was playing. and i cried. cried like a fighter. cried like a survivor. cried like i have never cried before. and this past week, at the concert, i stood while it played again, and i cried. cried like i was the luckiest person in the world. cried like i have been chosen. cried like a believer. cried like i have never cried before. so go ahead Jesus- bring the rain. go right ahead. i will laugh and sing and dance in it!
if you are still reading, i am amazed! i very rarely do this. but i guess i was just in the mood. thanks for taking the time to read it all. and thank you in advance for your understanding.
1. i am the YOUNGEST person that my surgeon has ever had to tell that they, do in fact, have kidney cancer.
***now- while this may not impress you, it was a great shock to me. i mean, i knew that he was having trouble with my age (31 by the way), i had no idea that i was the youngest person he had ever diagnosed with kidney cancer. he just told me last week. the next youngest wasn't even close! not even in his 30's for that matter! it's just strange to know this kind of information. i think i could have gone without knowing....
2. Topamax is bad if you have one kidney.
***now- while i learned this on my own, it was recently confirmed by my doctors and i am no longer on the medicine. this makes me nervous because Topamax is amazing for preventing migraines! so, it is back to the drawing board. i think that i am just going to stick with biofeedback and natural "cures" for the moment. this is with guidance from my neurologist- who is very aware of me, my beliefs, and my desires. it's just what will be best for me at the moment.
3. Infusion centers.
**now- Have you even heard of such a place? well, i haven't. until now. i will be visiting an infusion center once a month for two to three hours. this is the plan. pray for me now. i am not good in hospitals and they are not good with my viens. i will have to be hooked up to machines and IVs for a few hours in the hope that it all matters. i will be infused with things that should already be produced in my body but they have found that i am "lacking 25% from the average adult female." while this is not such a shocker (some doctor somewhere has already ran all the tests to find out this stuff- not as much blood in the brain, not as much oxygen in the brain, not as much magnesium in the brain, not as much sense in the brain!!!!!) the idea of INFUSION sure is!
4. Urine analysis
***yes- i am still pissing in a big orange container once a month! today is the day! sorry- was that TMI?
5. Therapy
***you'd think, right? funny thing is- i am doing okay. went to one therapist when i was first diagnosed, got a lot of good information, but found that i am too self-aware for all of that mumbojumbo at the moment. this is not to knock therapy- i spent many years in the shrinks chair and am much better for it, just don't need it right now.
6. Secrets
***there are some medical issues that i am dealing with that i choose not to share with people. well, very recently i shared it with one person and i am so glad that i have. it is nothing life-threatening or anything, just something i have dealt with for many, many years now. i am now, at this time, going through it all again. pray for me. hope that whatever is meant to happen, will. and either way- i will handle it with grace. and please, if you are my family or my friend- respect my choice not to share this information and just do what i have asked of you now.
7. cancer stuff
***now- my scars are super bright pink. i hate them. my husband loves them. i don't get it. they are ugly and bright on my pale white stomach. they remind me of the lack of control that i really have in this life and that frustrates me. don't get me wrong, i'd rather have scars on my stomach then a headstone with my name on it, but these damn things just make me angry sometimes.
since my radical nephrectomy (Surgery to remove an entire kidney, nearby adrenal gland and lymph nodes, and other surrounding tissue.) i think i have handled the whole cancer thing the way most people do. we are sad, angry, shocked, and scared. but in the end, we accept it, choose to be better for it, we fight like hell, win (if we are lucky enough) and move on. i will admit that it is hard to move on when the scars still hurt and the doctor's visits, lab tests, infusion appointments, and emails from Kaiser sit in my mailbox each day- but i am doing my best.
i am worried about returning to work in one month. i haven't been there since the end of April basically. my family tells me not to go back if i am not ready. some friends agree- but how in the world will i know if i don't just go for it. and what if i become that person that never goes back. i have to go back. with that however, i have been very honest with my boss- who is also a great friend of mine. i will only have to teach 4 hours a day and will have 2 hours off. but even with that- i am anxious to return.
i am not good with attention. i dread that first day when we are all sitting in the library and everyone turns and sees me there again. it will be nearly impossible for me. i remember going to a crop just after my surgery with bucket. only a few very very very sweet ladies were there- some of my favorites as a matter of fact, and even with that, i nearly brokedown and cried. i had a small moment of panic and wanted to leave and just go home. i fought threw it. but i know that i will have the exact same experience when i return to work- especially since they don't even know about my cancer. i will tell them at somepoint- but i just don't know when and i just don't know how. so, please, pray for me with this also. hope that i can have the strength to endure what lies before me- whatever this may be.
the song that is playing right now on my blog might be a bit much for some people and i do not mean to offend anyone. it is just such an important song in my life that i felt the need to share it with you, my friends. as i drove to the hospital on May 12th to face this ugly cancer for a full blown battle, it was blasting in the car (and i am not one for loud noises), on reapeat, while i just cried my eyes out. cried like a child wanting her mother. cried like i have never cried before. when i awoke, in pain, sliced open with only one kidney, with the worst migraine of my life- it was playing. and i cried. cried like a fighter. cried like a survivor. cried like i have never cried before. and this past week, at the concert, i stood while it played again, and i cried. cried like i was the luckiest person in the world. cried like i have been chosen. cried like a believer. cried like i have never cried before. so go ahead Jesus- bring the rain. go right ahead. i will laugh and sing and dance in it!
if you are still reading, i am amazed! i very rarely do this. but i guess i was just in the mood. thanks for taking the time to read it all. and thank you in advance for your understanding.
7/21/2008
My Brother is a Quitter!
I AM SO PROUD OF MY BABY BROTHER! HE HAS DONE A LOT OF THINGS THAT AMAZE ME, BUT THIS ONE, BY FAR, HAS AMAZED ME THE MOST! HE QUIT SMOKING (AFTER NEARLY 18 YEARS!!!! I AM NOT SURE THAT IS THE EXACT NUMBER BUT I KNOW THAT HE STARTED REALLY REALLY REALLY YOUNG!)
JOURNALING READS:
Thank you for NOT smoking! I love you! My brother would gladly give me a kidney if I needed it! Now I can accept it! Thanks Brother! One good thing about me getting cancer is the wake-up call it gave to my brother. On May 12,2008 I gave up my kidney to cancer and on May 24,2008 Mikey gave up smoking!
I love him so much and I am sooooo proud of him. He is one of my greatest friends and my life would be HORRIFIC without him! I am so happy that he will be around so much longer now!
7/12/2008
The Price of Cancer
Got my bill in the mail today:
inpatient services.................... $7,980.00
imaging services, ULT................$492.00
ER services.................................$1,117.00
laboratory, general.........................$70.00
laboratory, chemistry..................$276.00
laboratory, hematology.................$78.00
laboratory, urology........................$23.00
radiology, diagnostic-GEN..........$238.00
ct scan, whole body scan..........$1,034.00
recovery room, general............$1,740.00
copayment charge..........................$10.00
total..........................................$13,058.00
amount i owe..................................$10.00
inpatient services.................... $7,980.00
imaging services, ULT................$492.00
ER services.................................$1,117.00
laboratory, general.........................$70.00
laboratory, chemistry..................$276.00
laboratory, hematology.................$78.00
laboratory, urology........................$23.00
radiology, diagnostic-GEN..........$238.00
ct scan, whole body scan..........$1,034.00
recovery room, general............$1,740.00
copayment charge..........................$10.00
total..........................................$13,058.00
amount i owe..................................$10.00
why do i post this? i post this because it makes me crazy that i have to pay $10.00 because i am blessed enough to have insurance and other families have buried people that they love because they don't. i just don't understand it. $13,048.00 is "taken care of" for me somehow, why not for everyone else. i pray that one day, right here in good ol' USA, no one will ever die simply because they don't have insurance. cancer should only cost $10 for everyone. because the truth is, the price we pay when its not is sometimes our lives. i hope that i am cancer free. and my doctors love to remind me that we won't know that information for a few months to come and that i am not "cured"- but outside of their words, if i am not, i will make sure to have lots of extra ten dollar bills laying around!
if you know someone who is fighting cancer right now, don't ask them what they need. do something for them. make them a meal. send them a card. play them a funny video. anything to get their mind off of the possibility of the fact that there is a monster in their body, and the fact that they just might not have enough $10 bills to fight it!
7/10/2008
the world has caught up with me today
i am tired.today is one of those days where i could lay in bed forever. i got up this morning and made all my phone calls to this doctor and that doctor and back to the other doctor.
who would think phone calls could be so tiring.
then emily wanted to go for a walk. so we did. we walked for about an hour.
i already knew that i was tired from monday, tuesday, and wednesday of this week so i had asked my husband to take my son for the day. he did. thank goodness. my MIL left me with my 2 nephews like always, even though she gets $$$ to watch them and i end up with them every single day--but that is just a whole nother story for a whole nother day..... too tired.
i am reading a book by Beth Moore and doing the devotional journal along with it. it is a 40 day journey. maybe it'll help. i've always appreciated her way of relating to the bible. won't go into too much because it is a very personal thing but on hard days, i share this part of me sometimes.
just wish i had the energy. wish i had the spirit. wish i had the me of me that i used to be.
hard day. gotta rest for a better one tomorrow.
7/05/2008
angry little april
***IF YOU ARE A FOXY, YOU ALREADY READ THIS POST!****
so, i am doing alittle search on 2peas for this mini book that i want to start and i find this thread about cancer and this drug that i am taking that leads me to start reading.
as i begin to read i have to stop to pick my f*CKING JAW UP OFF THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!
i am so mad right now.
go to google. type in topamax and kidney stones.
tell me why i am still taking the damn drug.
if i get another kidney stone i can die people!
why would my urologist and my neurologist, both who know i am on the drug *MAXIMUM DOSE PEOPLE* and both who know i only have ONE FREAKING KIDNEY keep me on the freaking drug WITHOUT EVEN INFORMING ME of the POSSIBILITY of the INCREASED RISK of KIDNEY STONES!!!!
UGHHHH!
granted, going on the damn drug, which probably gave me the damn kidney stone, which lead to finding the damn cancer is what saved my beautiful life in the first place- but GOOD GOD! can you INFORM A GIRL PLEASE!? i am so sick of having to EDUCATE MYSELF! when we are taught to TRUST the doctors to take care of us.
here i go again!
watch out world- if you had plans on monday to go to the **** hills kaiser i would stay far away because you are going to hear me making LOTS AND LOTS OF NOISE!!!!! i have to find out if i am going to continue taking this damn drug or not.
UNBELIEVABLE!
so, i am doing alittle search on 2peas for this mini book that i want to start and i find this thread about cancer and this drug that i am taking that leads me to start reading.
as i begin to read i have to stop to pick my f*CKING JAW UP OFF THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!
i am so mad right now.
go to google. type in topamax and kidney stones.
tell me why i am still taking the damn drug.
if i get another kidney stone i can die people!
why would my urologist and my neurologist, both who know i am on the drug *MAXIMUM DOSE PEOPLE* and both who know i only have ONE FREAKING KIDNEY keep me on the freaking drug WITHOUT EVEN INFORMING ME of the POSSIBILITY of the INCREASED RISK of KIDNEY STONES!!!!
UGHHHH!
granted, going on the damn drug, which probably gave me the damn kidney stone, which lead to finding the damn cancer is what saved my beautiful life in the first place- but GOOD GOD! can you INFORM A GIRL PLEASE!? i am so sick of having to EDUCATE MYSELF! when we are taught to TRUST the doctors to take care of us.
here i go again!
watch out world- if you had plans on monday to go to the **** hills kaiser i would stay far away because you are going to hear me making LOTS AND LOTS OF NOISE!!!!! i have to find out if i am going to continue taking this damn drug or not.
UNBELIEVABLE!
6/11/2008
Stand Up To Cancer
Saw this on Amber's blog and thought it was FANTASTIC!!! Plus, Lindalee keeps harping on me to do things for my own emotional health and things like this help me. So if you have the time, check it out, search for my star, and leave me alittle ditty! Thanks!
I added my own star today. Please go on and leave me a message! Add your star today. You can search the constellation to see if your loved one is already there and you can add your donation to his/her star.
Mission Statement:
Here we stand, on the verge of unlocking the answers that will finally conquer the devastation that is cancer.
We now understand the very biology that drives cancer. With knowledge gained from the mapping of the human genome, we can now target the genes and pathways that are involved in turning normal cells into cancerous ones. We are on the brink of possessing a toolbox full of new, advanced technologies just waiting to be adapted to benefit patients. Right before us, so close we can almost touch them, are scientific breakthroughs in the prevention, detection, treatment and even reversal of this disease.
For the first time we can envision the possibility of stopping cancer in its tracks. But just when science is on the verge of giving us the breakthroughs that can end cancer, the will and the funding to do so are disappearing from the national agenda and from our collective consciousness.
Cancer takes one person every minute. One life in a moment. They are our brothers, our sisters, our fathers and mothers, our husbands and wives, our best friends, our children, ourselves. Every day in America 1500 people die and yet the means to save them are literally within our reach. To wait any longer for someone else to save our lives and the lives of those we love is unforgivable.
Inspired to act by our own personal experiences with cancer, we recognize that we can no longer rely on the current system alone to give us the breakthroughs we need. So, we are calling on the public to help take matters into our own hands, investing in a revolution that will change the way scientist and clinicians work to understand and treat these diseases. Stand Up To Cancer is more than a rallying cry. It is a galvanizing force created to urgently move cancer research forward.
This is where the end of cancer begins: when we unite in one unstoppable movement and Stand Up To Cancer.
This is where the end of cancer begins.
I added my own star today. Please go on and leave me a message! Add your star today. You can search the constellation to see if your loved one is already there and you can add your donation to his/her star.
Mission Statement:
Here we stand, on the verge of unlocking the answers that will finally conquer the devastation that is cancer.
We now understand the very biology that drives cancer. With knowledge gained from the mapping of the human genome, we can now target the genes and pathways that are involved in turning normal cells into cancerous ones. We are on the brink of possessing a toolbox full of new, advanced technologies just waiting to be adapted to benefit patients. Right before us, so close we can almost touch them, are scientific breakthroughs in the prevention, detection, treatment and even reversal of this disease.
For the first time we can envision the possibility of stopping cancer in its tracks. But just when science is on the verge of giving us the breakthroughs that can end cancer, the will and the funding to do so are disappearing from the national agenda and from our collective consciousness.
Cancer takes one person every minute. One life in a moment. They are our brothers, our sisters, our fathers and mothers, our husbands and wives, our best friends, our children, ourselves. Every day in America 1500 people die and yet the means to save them are literally within our reach. To wait any longer for someone else to save our lives and the lives of those we love is unforgivable.
Inspired to act by our own personal experiences with cancer, we recognize that we can no longer rely on the current system alone to give us the breakthroughs we need. So, we are calling on the public to help take matters into our own hands, investing in a revolution that will change the way scientist and clinicians work to understand and treat these diseases. Stand Up To Cancer is more than a rallying cry. It is a galvanizing force created to urgently move cancer research forward.
This is where the end of cancer begins: when we unite in one unstoppable movement and Stand Up To Cancer.
5/28/2008
staying strong....
well, there it is.... scarred. PROOF. i finally got to take off the covering yesterday. and there it is. what can be seen. i have other pictures. ones i haven't publicly posted yet- of the actual tumor taken during surgery. it is a monster. just praying that nothing was left behind. pray with me. to help me organize everything, i received a gift in the mail this morning- and it came at just the right time becaue not only will it help me organize, it just might help me heal. take a look....
someone who loves me surprised me with this journal from http://www.livestrong.org/
i was never really into the yellow wrist band thing- don't get me wrong- i support any cancer survivor, but i didn't even wear the purple ones when i ran for team in training. i raised lots and lots of money to support leukemia and lymphoma society but i just never wore them.
but in these past few days, i have really been having a hard time with all of this. dealing with it all- because my mind is not in the same place that my body is in. you see- my mind wants to be over all of this. my body, on the other hand- is so wrecked it can hardly get through an outing. i don't need to write about that again, just see two post ago if you missed it.
so this gift was well needed.
here's what it has:
and they sent me 20 of these little yellow glimmers of hope! if you want one, let me know. i will send one out to you. you just have to promise to support cancer awareness in anyway that you can. through words, walks, or funds. just do what you can! you never know when it might effect you. either way- i have them if you want one- first come first served! Off to Survivorship......
1-866-235-7205
5/27/2008
just make it go away.....
don't you dare tell my sister, or my mother, or lindalee- but i have mastered the art of overdoing it and i am paying for it today.
i so wanted to be the person that could kick cancer's ass.
i so wanted to be the person that could find out she has cancer, get the surgery, lose a kidney, come home from the hospital, and return to life as she knows it.
i so wanted to be that person.
i am so not that person.
and i am sad. and i am mad. and i want all of this to be over.
i want to be the person that can get up and drive. or go make dinner.
i want to be the person that can go scrap with her friends on saturday, go the the museum with her family on sunday, hang out with her brother, niece, and nephew and kids on monday- and not feel like she got ran over by a freaking bigrig on tuesday.
i am not that person.
when will i get to be me again?
when will i be the girl that beat cancer and not the girl who cancer is beating?
oh God, i know that i should be grateful. I know that there are people who are dying and who are going through so much more. but this is so much harder than i thought it would be.
please make it go away.
i need to be me again.
i so wanted to be the person that could kick cancer's ass.
i so wanted to be the person that could find out she has cancer, get the surgery, lose a kidney, come home from the hospital, and return to life as she knows it.
i so wanted to be that person.
i am so not that person.
and i am sad. and i am mad. and i want all of this to be over.
i want to be the person that can get up and drive. or go make dinner.
i want to be the person that can go scrap with her friends on saturday, go the the museum with her family on sunday, hang out with her brother, niece, and nephew and kids on monday- and not feel like she got ran over by a freaking bigrig on tuesday.
i am not that person.
when will i get to be me again?
when will i be the girl that beat cancer and not the girl who cancer is beating?
oh God, i know that i should be grateful. I know that there are people who are dying and who are going through so much more. but this is so much harder than i thought it would be.
please make it go away.
i need to be me again.
5/20/2008
images of boredom
sorry- this is how i passed the time. now, posting them is how i continue to.
my breathing fun. a good distaction for little ones!
and all because of this.... more graphic pictures to follow another day.
this was my room #. i was in bed B.
outside my door there was this sign to let everyone know i could bust my ass at any given moment- lovely! i didn't fall at all though!
this is bed a- but go on- stretch your imagination!
if my ass was not in my bed, it was in this chair.
God bless this creation.
my agenda, according to the control freaks outside!
two very important cups. if you,ve been there, you understand.
i stole these!
my breathing fun. a good distaction for little ones!
and all because of this.... more graphic pictures to follow another day.
5/16/2008
Cancer Removal Week in Review May 12th- Present
well, i am slowly getting back to the swing of things.
and when i say slowly, i mean- S- L-O-W-L-Y. i must be honest and let you all know that this has been much harder than i had hoped it would be.
today has been my toughest day emotionally and the tears just keep coming for some reason. doctor called early, around 845am and confirmed, through a pathology report that i did, in fact have cancer so the recovery course does have to be a bit more detailed. there was a chance, a very small chance, but a chance that it wasn't cancer and i guess a bigger part of me than i had realized was holding on to that so the news hit me harder than i thought it would.
anyway- monday morning i woke up and my husband drove me to the hospital. my brother and my mom met me there. they each took turns with me for about an hour and them it was drugs and i was out of it.
they tell me surgery took a little longer than expected, about 4 hours, but went well.the tumor was much larger than expected. it was orginally measured at 7cm but was actually alittle over 12. about the size of a baseball. the doctor told my family "well, that was impressive and she definately should not have waited" so all is good. he has to change the original position of extraction as well, instead of the plan of taking it from the side, it was taken from the front of my stomach. about three inches to the left of my belly button. the incision was orginally only going to be two to three inches but it is close to four.
the first two days were horrible. on top of the pain, a migraine decided to come and wipe me out- three injections later it was gone. don't remember much. bucket came to visit towards the end of the second day and i was doing a bit better by then but she did see alittle break down when they had to move me around on the bed.
the third day, wednesday was good. i was up and walking more. not throwing up anymore. the deep pain was gone and the surface pain was a bit more bearable. just having bed pain now. doctor said i would get to leave the hospital the next day. my sister came that night and gave me a break from my mom which i needed cuz i was just being a bitch.
thursday i finally got to shower which i was so thankful for becuase wednesay night i sweated like crazy and i left the hospital in the afternoon. my mom brought me to her house after spending a few hours at home with the kids and the husband. last night my sister came over and rubbed my back because it was hurting so bad!
today- emotional mess. drugs coming outta me. the news that it positively was cancer and the course of treatment that i have to go through now because of that news. i just want this to be over. and the truth is, i have a long journey to walk.
for those of you that are dealing with health issues- i want to share this with you: i was not well. i mean, i really did not feel well for a very long time. and i told my doctors. i told my family. i told some friends. and i think most of them thought that i was full of shilt. or making it up. or just "not tough enough" or felt like complaining.
so, if you have not felt like yourself for along time now- and i mean- if you really don't feel well- please get help- go make noise- DEMAND CT SCANS, MRIs, Blood Work. Whatever you need.
because the truth is, if i didn't get that kidney stone, this tumor was goingto burst open, and i would have had cancer spead all over my body, and i could have died. and i was telling people. i was going to doctors. and they didn't REALLY listen.
STOP BEING POLITE.
MAKE THEM LISTEN TO YOU.
YOU ARE WORTH IT AND WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IS REAL.
YOU ARE NOT WEAK.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.
okay, i am crying now because it gets me so upset and like i said, i am so emotional but thank you all so much for thinking of me and praying for me and keep sending me words of support!
even if you call me and i don't call you back, it means a lot to me. if you work with me- tell my babies i love and miss them!
i need it.
love ya!
and when i say slowly, i mean- S- L-O-W-L-Y. i must be honest and let you all know that this has been much harder than i had hoped it would be.
today has been my toughest day emotionally and the tears just keep coming for some reason. doctor called early, around 845am and confirmed, through a pathology report that i did, in fact have cancer so the recovery course does have to be a bit more detailed. there was a chance, a very small chance, but a chance that it wasn't cancer and i guess a bigger part of me than i had realized was holding on to that so the news hit me harder than i thought it would.
anyway- monday morning i woke up and my husband drove me to the hospital. my brother and my mom met me there. they each took turns with me for about an hour and them it was drugs and i was out of it.
they tell me surgery took a little longer than expected, about 4 hours, but went well.the tumor was much larger than expected. it was orginally measured at 7cm but was actually alittle over 12. about the size of a baseball. the doctor told my family "well, that was impressive and she definately should not have waited" so all is good. he has to change the original position of extraction as well, instead of the plan of taking it from the side, it was taken from the front of my stomach. about three inches to the left of my belly button. the incision was orginally only going to be two to three inches but it is close to four.
the first two days were horrible. on top of the pain, a migraine decided to come and wipe me out- three injections later it was gone. don't remember much. bucket came to visit towards the end of the second day and i was doing a bit better by then but she did see alittle break down when they had to move me around on the bed.
the third day, wednesday was good. i was up and walking more. not throwing up anymore. the deep pain was gone and the surface pain was a bit more bearable. just having bed pain now. doctor said i would get to leave the hospital the next day. my sister came that night and gave me a break from my mom which i needed cuz i was just being a bitch.
thursday i finally got to shower which i was so thankful for becuase wednesay night i sweated like crazy and i left the hospital in the afternoon. my mom brought me to her house after spending a few hours at home with the kids and the husband. last night my sister came over and rubbed my back because it was hurting so bad!
today- emotional mess. drugs coming outta me. the news that it positively was cancer and the course of treatment that i have to go through now because of that news. i just want this to be over. and the truth is, i have a long journey to walk.
for those of you that are dealing with health issues- i want to share this with you: i was not well. i mean, i really did not feel well for a very long time. and i told my doctors. i told my family. i told some friends. and i think most of them thought that i was full of shilt. or making it up. or just "not tough enough" or felt like complaining.
so, if you have not felt like yourself for along time now- and i mean- if you really don't feel well- please get help- go make noise- DEMAND CT SCANS, MRIs, Blood Work. Whatever you need.
because the truth is, if i didn't get that kidney stone, this tumor was goingto burst open, and i would have had cancer spead all over my body, and i could have died. and i was telling people. i was going to doctors. and they didn't REALLY listen.
STOP BEING POLITE.
MAKE THEM LISTEN TO YOU.
YOU ARE WORTH IT AND WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IS REAL.
YOU ARE NOT WEAK.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.
okay, i am crying now because it gets me so upset and like i said, i am so emotional but thank you all so much for thinking of me and praying for me and keep sending me words of support!
even if you call me and i don't call you back, it means a lot to me. if you work with me- tell my babies i love and miss them!
i need it.
love ya!
5/03/2008
anyone have a money tree?
i had to take two weeks off.
it hurt.
it brought me down to my half pay illness hours.
teachers don't get disability unless they pay into it themselves independently or something like that.
my check was nearly $1,000 less than it typically is.
i don't know what i am going to do. i am so stressed out.
and now with this upcoming surgery- i am taking even more time off- three to six weeks.
i should have gone into medicine.......
it hurt.
it brought me down to my half pay illness hours.
teachers don't get disability unless they pay into it themselves independently or something like that.
my check was nearly $1,000 less than it typically is.
i don't know what i am going to do. i am so stressed out.
and now with this upcoming surgery- i am taking even more time off- three to six weeks.
i should have gone into medicine.......
5/02/2008
the date is set
i am having surgery on May 12, 2008 at 5:45am.
it will last about 3 hours long.
i will be in the hospital 2-3 days. then i will be home.
recovery time will be 3 - 6 weeks. lets pray for 3!!!!
please continue to send prayers my way at this time.
thanks
it will last about 3 hours long.
i will be in the hospital 2-3 days. then i will be home.
recovery time will be 3 - 6 weeks. lets pray for 3!!!!
please continue to send prayers my way at this time.
thanks
4/27/2008
Infomation for You on Me and My Cancer
I am up and cannot sleep so I am going to share with you what I have found about kidney cancer. Most of it is what I have learned already with my family from my doctor but for those of you that have questions, this is a way that you can get your answers without me getting exhausted of saying the same thing over and over again. I know that you all care, it just gets to be a bit much!
Thanks for all your support! Here is the info:
Introduction:
The American Cancer Society estimates that almost 51,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with kidney cancer each year. The incidence of kidney cancer seems to be increasing, though it isn't clear why. Many kidney cancers are detected during procedures for other diseases or conditions. Imaging techniques, such as computerized tomography (CT), are being used more often, which may help find more kidney cancers.
Signs and symptoms
Kidney cancer rarely causes signs or symptoms in its early stages. In the later stages, kidney cancer signs and symptoms may include:
- Blood in your urine, which may appear pink, red or cola-colored (had this one)
- Back pain just below the ribs that doesn't go away (had this one)
- Weight loss (did not have this one, just vomited every other day)
-Fatigue (absolutely had this one- by far the most frustrating, outside of nausea)
-Intermittent fever (not sure about this one- a few sweating fits at night each week)
Causes:
Just what causes kidney cells to become cancerous isn't clear.
Risk factors
Renal cell carcinoma risk factors The majority of kidney cancers are renal cell carcinomas. Risk factors for renal cell carcinoma include:
(here is where I get really frustrated!!!!!!)
- Age. Your risk of renal cell carcinoma increases as you age. Renal cell carcinoma occurs most commonly in people 60 and older. (nope)
-Sex. Men are more likely to develop renal cell carcinoma than women are. (nope)
-Smoking. Smokers have a greater risk of renal cell carcinoma than nonsmokers do. The risk increases the longer you smoke and decreases after you quit. (nope)
-Obesity. People who are obese have a higher risk of renal cell carcinoma than do people who are considered average weight. (slightly)
-High blood pressure (hypertension). High blood pressure increases your risk of renal cell carcinoma, but it isn't clear why. Some research in animals has linked high blood pressure medications to an increased risk of kidney cancer, but studies in people have had conflicting results. (nope)
-Chemicals in your workplace. Workers who are exposed to certain chemicals on the job may have a higher risk of renal cell carcinoma. People who work with chemicals such as asbestos, cadmium and trichloroethylene may have an increased risk of kidney cancer. (possibly- we talk about this a lot at work because so many people have gotten sick in the last 10 years)
-Treatment for kidney failure. People who receive long-term dialysis to treat chronic kidney failure have a greater risk of developing kidney cancer. People who have a kidney transplant and receive immunosuppressant drugs also are more likely to develop kidney cancer. (nope)
- Von Hippel-Lindau disease. People with this inherited disorder are likely to develop several kinds of tumors, including, in some cases, renal cell carcinoma. (nope)
-Hereditary papillary renal cell carcinoma. Having this inherited condition makes it more likely you'll develop one or more renal cell carcinomas. (nope)
Transitional cell carcinoma risk factors Risk factors for transitional cell carcinoma include:
- Smoking. Smoking increases your risk of transitional cell carcinomas. (once again, nope)
-Chemicals in your workplace. Working with certain chemicals may increase your risk of transitional cell carcinoma. (once again, possibly)
-A withdrawn medication. Phenacetin, which was removed from the market in the United States in the early 1980s, has been linked to kidney cancer. Phenacetin was used in prescription and over-the-counter pain relievers. (nope)
Screening and diagnosis
A kidney cancer diagnosis typically begins with a complete medical history and a physical exam. Your doctor may also recommend blood and urine tests. If your doctor suspects a problem or if you're at high risk of kidney cancer, you may also have one or more of the following tests to check your kidneys for growths or tumors:
-Ultrasound. An ultrasound uses high-frequency sound waves to generate images of your internal organs, such as your kidneys and bladder, on a computer screen. (had this one)
-Computerized tomography (CT) or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan. CT scans use computers to create more-detailed images than those produced by conventional X-rays. MRI scans use magnetic fields and radio waves to generate cross-sectional pictures of your body. (had this done twice)
-Tissue sample (biopsy). In selected cases, your doctor may recommend a procedure to remove a small sample of cells (biopsy) from a suspicious area of your kidney. During a biopsy, a surgeon uses ultrasound or CT images to guide a long, thin needle into your kidney to remove the cells. The cells are then examined under a microscope to determine whether they are cancer.
Biopsy procedures have risks, such as infection, bleeding and a very small chance that cancer could spread to the area where the needle is inserted. Because surgery is usually the first line treatment for kidney cancer, your doctor may forgo biopsy if he or she believes your tumor is very likely to be cancerous. That way you avoid the additional risks of a biopsy. Kidney biopsy is typically reserved for cases that are most likely to be noncancerous or for people who can't undergo an operation.
(We decided against biopsy- either way, the tumor must be removed and my kidney cannot be saved.)
Additional tests for transitional cell cancer Tests and procedures used to diagnose transitional cell kidney cancer may include:
-X-ray imaging of your urinary system (excretory urogram). X-rays of your urinary system may show signs of cancer. Your health care team will inject a dye into a vein in your arm. The dye is processed by your kidneys and your urinary system, and the dye makes it possible to see your urinary system on an X-ray. (had this done too)
- Looking inside your bladder (cystoscopy). Your doctor may use a long, narrow tube called a cystoscope to see the inside of your bladder. The cystoscope, which carries a light source and a special lens, is inserted through your urethra into your bladder. A cystoscope can also be used to extract a small tissue sample (biopsy) from any suspicious areas. (I had this done on the right side during my surgery on April 7th but i will not go through this again for the right side, there is just no need, thank God!)
Kidney cancer staging
Once your doctor diagnoses kidney cancer, the next step is to determine the extent, or stage, of the cancer. Staging tests for kidney cancer may include additional CT scans, a chest X-ray or other imaging scans your doctor feels are appropriate.
Then your doctor assigns a number, called a stage, to your cancer. Kidney cancer stages include:
- I. Tumor is small and confined to the kidney
- II. Tumor is larger than a stage I tumor, and is confined to the kidney
- III. Tumor extends beyond the kidney to the surrounding tissue or the adrenal glands, and may also spread to a nearby lymph node (This is where I am)
- IV. Cancer spreads outside the kidney or to distant parts of the body
Treatment
Together, you and your treatment team will discuss all of your kidney cancer treatment options. The best approach for you may depend on a number of factors, including your general health, the kind of kidney cancer you have, whether the cancer has spread and your own preferences for treatment.
Surgery
Surgery is the initial treatment for the majority of kidney cancers. Surgical procedures used to treat kidney cancer include:
-Removing the affected kidney (nephrectomy). Radical nephrectomy involves the removal of the kidney as well as the adrenal gland that sits atop the kidney, a border of healthy tissue and adjacent lymph nodes. Nephrectomy can be done through an incision, meaning the surgeon makes a large cut in your skin to access your kidney. Or nephrectomy can be done laparoscopically, using small incisions to insert a video camera and tiny surgical tools. The surgeon watches a video monitor in order to perform the nephrectomy. (This is what I am having- Radical laparoscopic nephrectomy)
§ Removing the tumor from the kidney (nephron-sparing surgery). During this procedure, the surgeon removes the tumor, rather than the entire kidney. Nephron-sparing surgery may be an option if you have only one kidney or if you have an early-stage kidney cancer.
What type of surgery your doctor recommends will be based on your cancer and its stage, as well as your health and personal preferences. Surgery carries a risk of bleeding and infection.
Coping
Each person copes with a cancer diagnosis in his or her own way. Once the shock and fear that comes with an initial diagnosis begins to subside, you'll find ways to help you cope with the daily challenges of cancer treatment and recovery. Coping strategies that can help include:
-Find out all you can about kidney cancer.
Ask your doctor for details of your diagnosis, such as what type of cancer you have and the stage of your cancer. This information can help you learn about the treatment options that are available to you. Good sources of information include the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society. Both organizations maintain Web sites and hot lines you can turn to for more information. Contact the National Cancer Institute at 800-4CANCER, or 800-422-6237, or the American Cancer Society at 800-ACS-2345, or 800-227-2345.
-Take care of yourself. Take steps to take care of your body during cancer treatment. Eat a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables, get exercise when you feel up to it, and get enough sleep so that you wake feeling rested each day. (Oops- its 2am and I am wide awake!!!!)
- Gather a support network. Your friends and family are worried about your health, so let them help you when they offer. Let friends and family take care of the little, everyday tasks so that you can focus on your recovery. Running errands, preparing meals and providing transportation are all ways friends and family can help. Talking about your feelings with close friends and family also can help you relieve stress and tension.
- Take time for yourself. Set aside time for yourself each day. Time spent reading, relaxing or listening to music can help you relieve stress. Write your feelings down in a journal. (all right already!)
All information from: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kidney-cancer
Thanks for all your support! Here is the info:
Introduction:
The American Cancer Society estimates that almost 51,000 people in the United States are diagnosed with kidney cancer each year. The incidence of kidney cancer seems to be increasing, though it isn't clear why. Many kidney cancers are detected during procedures for other diseases or conditions. Imaging techniques, such as computerized tomography (CT), are being used more often, which may help find more kidney cancers.
Signs and symptoms
Kidney cancer rarely causes signs or symptoms in its early stages. In the later stages, kidney cancer signs and symptoms may include:
- Blood in your urine, which may appear pink, red or cola-colored (had this one)
- Back pain just below the ribs that doesn't go away (had this one)
- Weight loss (did not have this one, just vomited every other day)
-Fatigue (absolutely had this one- by far the most frustrating, outside of nausea)
-Intermittent fever (not sure about this one- a few sweating fits at night each week)
Causes:
Just what causes kidney cells to become cancerous isn't clear.
Risk factors
Renal cell carcinoma risk factors The majority of kidney cancers are renal cell carcinomas. Risk factors for renal cell carcinoma include:
(here is where I get really frustrated!!!!!!)
- Age. Your risk of renal cell carcinoma increases as you age. Renal cell carcinoma occurs most commonly in people 60 and older. (nope)
-Sex. Men are more likely to develop renal cell carcinoma than women are. (nope)
-Smoking. Smokers have a greater risk of renal cell carcinoma than nonsmokers do. The risk increases the longer you smoke and decreases after you quit. (nope)
-Obesity. People who are obese have a higher risk of renal cell carcinoma than do people who are considered average weight. (slightly)
-High blood pressure (hypertension). High blood pressure increases your risk of renal cell carcinoma, but it isn't clear why. Some research in animals has linked high blood pressure medications to an increased risk of kidney cancer, but studies in people have had conflicting results. (nope)
-Chemicals in your workplace. Workers who are exposed to certain chemicals on the job may have a higher risk of renal cell carcinoma. People who work with chemicals such as asbestos, cadmium and trichloroethylene may have an increased risk of kidney cancer. (possibly- we talk about this a lot at work because so many people have gotten sick in the last 10 years)
-Treatment for kidney failure. People who receive long-term dialysis to treat chronic kidney failure have a greater risk of developing kidney cancer. People who have a kidney transplant and receive immunosuppressant drugs also are more likely to develop kidney cancer. (nope)
- Von Hippel-Lindau disease. People with this inherited disorder are likely to develop several kinds of tumors, including, in some cases, renal cell carcinoma. (nope)
-Hereditary papillary renal cell carcinoma. Having this inherited condition makes it more likely you'll develop one or more renal cell carcinomas. (nope)
Transitional cell carcinoma risk factors Risk factors for transitional cell carcinoma include:
- Smoking. Smoking increases your risk of transitional cell carcinomas. (once again, nope)
-Chemicals in your workplace. Working with certain chemicals may increase your risk of transitional cell carcinoma. (once again, possibly)
-A withdrawn medication. Phenacetin, which was removed from the market in the United States in the early 1980s, has been linked to kidney cancer. Phenacetin was used in prescription and over-the-counter pain relievers. (nope)
Screening and diagnosis
A kidney cancer diagnosis typically begins with a complete medical history and a physical exam. Your doctor may also recommend blood and urine tests. If your doctor suspects a problem or if you're at high risk of kidney cancer, you may also have one or more of the following tests to check your kidneys for growths or tumors:
-Ultrasound. An ultrasound uses high-frequency sound waves to generate images of your internal organs, such as your kidneys and bladder, on a computer screen. (had this one)
-Computerized tomography (CT) or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan. CT scans use computers to create more-detailed images than those produced by conventional X-rays. MRI scans use magnetic fields and radio waves to generate cross-sectional pictures of your body. (had this done twice)
-Tissue sample (biopsy). In selected cases, your doctor may recommend a procedure to remove a small sample of cells (biopsy) from a suspicious area of your kidney. During a biopsy, a surgeon uses ultrasound or CT images to guide a long, thin needle into your kidney to remove the cells. The cells are then examined under a microscope to determine whether they are cancer.
Biopsy procedures have risks, such as infection, bleeding and a very small chance that cancer could spread to the area where the needle is inserted. Because surgery is usually the first line treatment for kidney cancer, your doctor may forgo biopsy if he or she believes your tumor is very likely to be cancerous. That way you avoid the additional risks of a biopsy. Kidney biopsy is typically reserved for cases that are most likely to be noncancerous or for people who can't undergo an operation.
(We decided against biopsy- either way, the tumor must be removed and my kidney cannot be saved.)
Additional tests for transitional cell cancer Tests and procedures used to diagnose transitional cell kidney cancer may include:
-X-ray imaging of your urinary system (excretory urogram). X-rays of your urinary system may show signs of cancer. Your health care team will inject a dye into a vein in your arm. The dye is processed by your kidneys and your urinary system, and the dye makes it possible to see your urinary system on an X-ray. (had this done too)
- Looking inside your bladder (cystoscopy). Your doctor may use a long, narrow tube called a cystoscope to see the inside of your bladder. The cystoscope, which carries a light source and a special lens, is inserted through your urethra into your bladder. A cystoscope can also be used to extract a small tissue sample (biopsy) from any suspicious areas. (I had this done on the right side during my surgery on April 7th but i will not go through this again for the right side, there is just no need, thank God!)
Kidney cancer staging
Once your doctor diagnoses kidney cancer, the next step is to determine the extent, or stage, of the cancer. Staging tests for kidney cancer may include additional CT scans, a chest X-ray or other imaging scans your doctor feels are appropriate.
Then your doctor assigns a number, called a stage, to your cancer. Kidney cancer stages include:
- I. Tumor is small and confined to the kidney
- II. Tumor is larger than a stage I tumor, and is confined to the kidney
- III. Tumor extends beyond the kidney to the surrounding tissue or the adrenal glands, and may also spread to a nearby lymph node (This is where I am)
- IV. Cancer spreads outside the kidney or to distant parts of the body
Treatment
Together, you and your treatment team will discuss all of your kidney cancer treatment options. The best approach for you may depend on a number of factors, including your general health, the kind of kidney cancer you have, whether the cancer has spread and your own preferences for treatment.
Surgery
Surgery is the initial treatment for the majority of kidney cancers. Surgical procedures used to treat kidney cancer include:
-Removing the affected kidney (nephrectomy). Radical nephrectomy involves the removal of the kidney as well as the adrenal gland that sits atop the kidney, a border of healthy tissue and adjacent lymph nodes. Nephrectomy can be done through an incision, meaning the surgeon makes a large cut in your skin to access your kidney. Or nephrectomy can be done laparoscopically, using small incisions to insert a video camera and tiny surgical tools. The surgeon watches a video monitor in order to perform the nephrectomy. (This is what I am having- Radical laparoscopic nephrectomy)
§ Removing the tumor from the kidney (nephron-sparing surgery). During this procedure, the surgeon removes the tumor, rather than the entire kidney. Nephron-sparing surgery may be an option if you have only one kidney or if you have an early-stage kidney cancer.
What type of surgery your doctor recommends will be based on your cancer and its stage, as well as your health and personal preferences. Surgery carries a risk of bleeding and infection.
Coping
Each person copes with a cancer diagnosis in his or her own way. Once the shock and fear that comes with an initial diagnosis begins to subside, you'll find ways to help you cope with the daily challenges of cancer treatment and recovery. Coping strategies that can help include:
-Find out all you can about kidney cancer.
Ask your doctor for details of your diagnosis, such as what type of cancer you have and the stage of your cancer. This information can help you learn about the treatment options that are available to you. Good sources of information include the National Cancer Institute and the American Cancer Society. Both organizations maintain Web sites and hot lines you can turn to for more information. Contact the National Cancer Institute at 800-4CANCER, or 800-422-6237, or the American Cancer Society at 800-ACS-2345, or 800-227-2345.
-Take care of yourself. Take steps to take care of your body during cancer treatment. Eat a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables, get exercise when you feel up to it, and get enough sleep so that you wake feeling rested each day. (Oops- its 2am and I am wide awake!!!!)
- Gather a support network. Your friends and family are worried about your health, so let them help you when they offer. Let friends and family take care of the little, everyday tasks so that you can focus on your recovery. Running errands, preparing meals and providing transportation are all ways friends and family can help. Talking about your feelings with close friends and family also can help you relieve stress and tension.
- Take time for yourself. Set aside time for yourself each day. Time spent reading, relaxing or listening to music can help you relieve stress. Write your feelings down in a journal. (all right already!)
All information from: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kidney-cancer
4/26/2008
cancer sucks!
diagnosis date: april 23, 2008
monday morning i got a call from the surgeon saying that he wanted me to call him. he knew that i was coming in on wednesday but wanted to talk to me first anyway.
i knew this wasn't a good sign, so being me, i didn't call him back!
tuesday, he called again. and since my mom and sister almost strangled me for not calling him the day before, i figured i better answer this time. when i answered, he told me that my CT scans didn't give him as much information as he had hoped for and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. i told him that i could not come in that day so he arranged for me to come in at 9am on wednesday and then go immediately to his office for my appointment which was already scheduled for 945am. immediately i thought to myself oh shit! but alittle voice was also in the background saying everything is fine!
i already had a shit happens kinda feeling about the whole thing so i had asked my mom to come with me to the appointment on wednesday. she drove in from victorville, picked me up in the morning and took me to the hospital. once there, i went to my ultrasound and went up to my surgeon. we were in an exam room waiting for him. he came in and immediately said, "why don't you come over to my office?"
we sat down and he turned his computer monitor to face me and my mother. this is when i really knew- THIS IS NOT GONNA BE FUN.
he went on to tell me i have kidney cancer. he did it in the most kind, educated, compassionate, and human way. he way honest. he was ethical. he was blunt. it was good.
he gave us time to think about how to best handle the situation and when to handle the situation. he gave us names of alternative doctors to speak with. he ordered all our scans for other opinions for other doctors in other hospitals (my mom's). but the truth is, we didn't have any real need for it.
i have a 7cm tumor in the very center of my kidney growing deep in and out of my kidney. if you see the scans, it shows it covering the entire kidney. the kidney cannot be saved. it must be removed. the prognosis is excellent. once removed, the cancer will be gone. almost never to be seen again. i will have routine checks, xrays, metabolic makeup exams, and priority concerns in the area of urology for the rest of my life. however, once the surgery is done, i should be just fine.
i will be in the hospital for 1-3 days. i will be up and walking within 1-2 weeks. full recovery within 6 weeks. i will have a radical laproscopic surgery in mid-may. i will know the exact date early next week.
please continue your prayers. and be hopeful! pray for my students too. i am most worried for them. it will be very difficult for them to be without me for several more weeks and it is one of my biggest concerns at this time.
i will only know about chemo and radiation and post surgery treatments after surgery. if all my test results come back cancer free, nothing will be necessary. if cancer, or cancer cells are still evident, necessary treatment will occur. this is a possibility- but a small one, about 20%.
my other kidney functioning should be fine. many people are living fine with one kidney. i will have to have a card or a piece of jewelry to notify emergency personnel that i only have one kidney. if i have kidney stones again, it is no longer "just a stone" in my case. it is now life-threatening. urinary tract infections need to be taken care of immediately (but i have never had one in my life). basically, as onlg as my one kidney functions fine i am fine. the second, and i mean the second it doesn't- i have to get my ass into the doctor. in the case of pregnancy there might be some added stress that will have to be watched but for the most part, i can live a perfectly normal life with one kidney. i just have to be very proactive and follow all of my doctor's orders. i also must be monitored very closely for the next year and a half. lots of routine checks and so forth.
i am pretty pissed off about having cancer to tell you the truth.
i am not sure it has hit me yet.
i have made a psychological decision though, that no matter what, i must remain positive. there is just no other way.
some of the facts are not fun. those are the ones i do not focus on. those are the ones i do not share. so be positive with me. i think that is what will help me the most. because what i have found, in the last few days since i found out, is when i stray away from that place, i get scared- and i cry- and even though i am surrounded by people that love me and want to help me, i get scared.
so if you find me sounding scared or negative, remind me to stay positive. be my friends and continue thinking good thoughts with me.
everything's gonna be alright!
monday morning i got a call from the surgeon saying that he wanted me to call him. he knew that i was coming in on wednesday but wanted to talk to me first anyway.
i knew this wasn't a good sign, so being me, i didn't call him back!
tuesday, he called again. and since my mom and sister almost strangled me for not calling him the day before, i figured i better answer this time. when i answered, he told me that my CT scans didn't give him as much information as he had hoped for and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. i told him that i could not come in that day so he arranged for me to come in at 9am on wednesday and then go immediately to his office for my appointment which was already scheduled for 945am. immediately i thought to myself oh shit! but alittle voice was also in the background saying everything is fine!
i already had a shit happens kinda feeling about the whole thing so i had asked my mom to come with me to the appointment on wednesday. she drove in from victorville, picked me up in the morning and took me to the hospital. once there, i went to my ultrasound and went up to my surgeon. we were in an exam room waiting for him. he came in and immediately said, "why don't you come over to my office?"
we sat down and he turned his computer monitor to face me and my mother. this is when i really knew- THIS IS NOT GONNA BE FUN.
he went on to tell me i have kidney cancer. he did it in the most kind, educated, compassionate, and human way. he way honest. he was ethical. he was blunt. it was good.
he gave us time to think about how to best handle the situation and when to handle the situation. he gave us names of alternative doctors to speak with. he ordered all our scans for other opinions for other doctors in other hospitals (my mom's). but the truth is, we didn't have any real need for it.
i have a 7cm tumor in the very center of my kidney growing deep in and out of my kidney. if you see the scans, it shows it covering the entire kidney. the kidney cannot be saved. it must be removed. the prognosis is excellent. once removed, the cancer will be gone. almost never to be seen again. i will have routine checks, xrays, metabolic makeup exams, and priority concerns in the area of urology for the rest of my life. however, once the surgery is done, i should be just fine.
i will be in the hospital for 1-3 days. i will be up and walking within 1-2 weeks. full recovery within 6 weeks. i will have a radical laproscopic surgery in mid-may. i will know the exact date early next week.
please continue your prayers. and be hopeful! pray for my students too. i am most worried for them. it will be very difficult for them to be without me for several more weeks and it is one of my biggest concerns at this time.
i will only know about chemo and radiation and post surgery treatments after surgery. if all my test results come back cancer free, nothing will be necessary. if cancer, or cancer cells are still evident, necessary treatment will occur. this is a possibility- but a small one, about 20%.
my other kidney functioning should be fine. many people are living fine with one kidney. i will have to have a card or a piece of jewelry to notify emergency personnel that i only have one kidney. if i have kidney stones again, it is no longer "just a stone" in my case. it is now life-threatening. urinary tract infections need to be taken care of immediately (but i have never had one in my life). basically, as onlg as my one kidney functions fine i am fine. the second, and i mean the second it doesn't- i have to get my ass into the doctor. in the case of pregnancy there might be some added stress that will have to be watched but for the most part, i can live a perfectly normal life with one kidney. i just have to be very proactive and follow all of my doctor's orders. i also must be monitored very closely for the next year and a half. lots of routine checks and so forth.
i am pretty pissed off about having cancer to tell you the truth.
i am not sure it has hit me yet.
i have made a psychological decision though, that no matter what, i must remain positive. there is just no other way.
some of the facts are not fun. those are the ones i do not focus on. those are the ones i do not share. so be positive with me. i think that is what will help me the most. because what i have found, in the last few days since i found out, is when i stray away from that place, i get scared- and i cry- and even though i am surrounded by people that love me and want to help me, i get scared.
so if you find me sounding scared or negative, remind me to stay positive. be my friends and continue thinking good thoughts with me.
everything's gonna be alright!
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