Cancer Removal Week in Review May 12th- Present

well, i am slowly getting back to the swing of things.

and when i say slowly, i mean- S- L-O-W-L-Y. i must be honest and let you all know that this has been much harder than i had hoped it would be.

today has been my toughest day emotionally and the tears just keep coming for some reason. doctor called early, around 845am and confirmed, through a pathology report that i did, in fact have cancer so the recovery course does have to be a bit more detailed. there was a chance, a very small chance, but a chance that it wasn't cancer and i guess a bigger part of me than i had realized was holding on to that so the news hit me harder than i thought it would.

anyway- monday morning i woke up and my husband drove me to the hospital. my brother and my mom met me there. they each took turns with me for about an hour and them it was drugs and i was out of it.

they tell me surgery took a little longer than expected, about 4 hours, but went well.the tumor was much larger than expected. it was orginally measured at 7cm but was actually alittle over 12. about the size of a baseball. the doctor told my family "well, that was impressive and she definately should not have waited" so all is good. he has to change the original position of extraction as well, instead of the plan of taking it from the side, it was taken from the front of my stomach. about three inches to the left of my belly button. the incision was orginally only going to be two to three inches but it is close to four.

the first two days were horrible. on top of the pain, a migraine decided to come and wipe me out- three injections later it was gone. don't remember much. bucket came to visit towards the end of the second day and i was doing a bit better by then but she did see alittle break down when they had to move me around on the bed.

the third day, wednesday was good. i was up and walking more. not throwing up anymore. the deep pain was gone and the surface pain was a bit more bearable. just having bed pain now. doctor said i would get to leave the hospital the next day. my sister came that night and gave me a break from my mom which i needed cuz i was just being a bitch.

thursday i finally got to shower which i was so thankful for becuase wednesay night i sweated like crazy and i left the hospital in the afternoon. my mom brought me to her house after spending a few hours at home with the kids and the husband. last night my sister came over and rubbed my back because it was hurting so bad!

today- emotional mess. drugs coming outta me. the news that it positively was cancer and the course of treatment that i have to go through now because of that news. i just want this to be over. and the truth is, i have a long journey to walk.

for those of you that are dealing with health issues- i want to share this with you: i was not well. i mean, i really did not feel well for a very long time. and i told my doctors. i told my family. i told some friends. and i think most of them thought that i was full of shilt. or making it up. or just "not tough enough" or felt like complaining.

so, if you have not felt like yourself for along time now- and i mean- if you really don't feel well- please get help- go make noise- DEMAND CT SCANS, MRIs, Blood Work. Whatever you need.

because the truth is, if i didn't get that kidney stone, this tumor was goingto burst open, and i would have had cancer spead all over my body, and i could have died. and i was telling people. i was going to doctors. and they didn't REALLY listen.

STOP BEING POLITE.
MAKE THEM LISTEN TO YOU.
YOU ARE WORTH IT AND WHAT YOU ARE FEELING IS REAL.
YOU ARE NOT WEAK.
YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

okay, i am crying now because it gets me so upset and like i said, i am so emotional but thank you all so much for thinking of me and praying for me and keep sending me words of support!

even if you call me and i don't call you back, it means a lot to me. if you work with me- tell my babies i love and miss them!

i need it.
love ya!