cancer sucks!

diagnosis date: april 23, 2008

monday morning i got a call from the surgeon saying that he wanted me to call him. he knew that i was coming in on wednesday but wanted to talk to me first anyway.

i knew this wasn't a good sign, so being me, i didn't call him back!

tuesday, he called again. and since my mom and sister almost strangled me for not calling him the day before, i figured i better answer this time. when i answered, he told me that my CT scans didn't give him as much information as he had hoped for and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. i told him that i could not come in that day so he arranged for me to come in at 9am on wednesday and then go immediately to his office for my appointment which was already scheduled for 945am. immediately i thought to myself oh shit! but alittle voice was also in the background saying everything is fine!

i already had a shit happens kinda feeling about the whole thing so i had asked my mom to come with me to the appointment on wednesday. she drove in from victorville, picked me up in the morning and took me to the hospital. once there, i went to my ultrasound and went up to my surgeon. we were in an exam room waiting for him. he came in and immediately said, "why don't you come over to my office?"


we sat down and he turned his computer monitor to face me and my mother. this is when i really knew- THIS IS NOT GONNA BE FUN.

he went on to tell me i have kidney cancer. he did it in the most kind, educated, compassionate, and human way. he way honest. he was ethical. he was blunt. it was good.

he gave us time to think about how to best handle the situation and when to handle the situation. he gave us names of alternative doctors to speak with. he ordered all our scans for other opinions for other doctors in other hospitals (my mom's). but the truth is, we didn't have any real need for it.

i have a 7cm tumor in the very center of my kidney growing deep in and out of my kidney. if you see the scans, it shows it covering the entire kidney. the kidney cannot be saved. it must be removed. the prognosis is excellent. once removed, the cancer will be gone. almost never to be seen again. i will have routine checks, xrays, metabolic makeup exams, and priority concerns in the area of urology for the rest of my life. however, once the surgery is done, i should be just fine.

i will be in the hospital for 1-3 days. i will be up and walking within 1-2 weeks. full recovery within 6 weeks. i will have a radical laproscopic surgery in mid-may. i will know the exact date early next week.

please continue your prayers. and be hopeful! pray for my students too. i am most worried for them. it will be very difficult for them to be without me for several more weeks and it is one of my biggest concerns at this time.

i will only know about chemo and radiation and post surgery treatments after surgery. if all my test results come back cancer free, nothing will be necessary. if cancer, or cancer cells are still evident, necessary treatment will occur. this is a possibility- but a small one, about 20%.

my other kidney functioning should be fine. many people are living fine with one kidney. i will have to have a card or a piece of jewelry to notify emergency personnel that i only have one kidney. if i have kidney stones again, it is no longer "just a stone" in my case. it is now life-threatening. urinary tract infections need to be taken care of immediately (but i have never had one in my life). basically, as onlg as my one kidney functions fine i am fine. the second, and i mean the second it doesn't- i have to get my ass into the doctor. in the case of pregnancy there might be some added stress that will have to be watched but for the most part, i can live a perfectly normal life with one kidney. i just have to be very proactive and follow all of my doctor's orders. i also must be monitored very closely for the next year and a half. lots of routine checks and so forth.

i am pretty pissed off about having cancer to tell you the truth.

i am not sure it has hit me yet.

i have made a psychological decision though, that no matter what, i must remain positive. there is just no other way.

some of the facts are not fun. those are the ones i do not focus on. those are the ones i do not share. so be positive with me. i think that is what will help me the most. because what i have found, in the last few days since i found out, is when i stray away from that place, i get scared- and i cry- and even though i am surrounded by people that love me and want to help me, i get scared.

so if you find me sounding scared or negative, remind me to stay positive. be my friends and continue thinking good thoughts with me.

everything's gonna be alright!