------SERIOUSLY--------
i have come to the realization that i just don't like Christmas. I knew this when i was 17 and i know it again now, at 29. for the past several years (7 to be exact) my christmas has been about making everyone around me feel "okay" with everything.....well, no one ever ended up okay- me least of all. every single year there are issues with rebecca and mando and the kids and luis and my family and his family and us and blah blah blah.
i know that everyone wants to love christmas. i know that most people probably do. but i just cannot take it anymore. i kill myself trying to be happy happy holiday lady when all i want to do is crawl up into a ball on my lovely bed and sleep it all away. so much pressure.....i feel like an elephant is on my chest. either that or the bomb ticking inside of me is just about ready to explode. when is enough enough already? how will i know? who could i ever tell?... ugh.
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